Rambling Thoughts.....

You know....
When I first thought to start this blog, it was for several reasons.

I wanted to talk about the books I've been reading, and birds, and life and sports, and anything that popped into my always jumbled mind. I guess once I started talking, it was like a dam had burst and now I don't want to stop and I need somewhere to channel all that is inside of me. and even if no one reads what I write? I feel better, going through the motions of getting some thoughts out of my....already-jumbled-mind...

I promised myself as a New Year's Resolution that I would read more this year.
And for once, I have followed though.

I love to read, I always have. It was one of the main ways I escaped a not great childhood, how I spent my time, being the quiet, shy one.
I flew through books in my elementary school library. I remember the SRA reading program there and I was always way ahead. I wasn't very good in most other subjects. I loved to read, I enjoyed history, English? as in grammar? not so much, so please forgive me here.

And I've read all of my life, certainly going though phases of lots of reading to a little reading. books for the beach and more serious books.

So, this year, I've gotten back into reading.
A lot.
And it's been good for me and has occupied my time and my mind through a very turbulent year in an already stressful life (I know, who doesn't?). Don't get me wrong, Amy's surgery went well, she is on the road to recovery and we are in a really good place right now. I don't know what I would do without her. I know, believe me, how very lucky I am to have her by my side. Always.

But I found out something else about myself. I need an outlet, I like to write. I like to be creative. I love finding the "perfect quote" Who knew? Who knew a shy, quiet introvert had so much to say? So many thoughts....

Of course, my having something to say and being a good friend, a good conversationalist, are two different things.

I started following an Amazon book forum several years ago. I followed it as a "lurker" for a long, long time before I even found the courage to post a little bit. But I did. and I found that I was completely welcomed there. In so many ways, such a wonderful group of non-judgmental, caring folks.

Those tentative steps of posting led me to helping out with the forum more, and I started to "open" a day there, once a week.

And I enjoyed it. I loved it. and even if I didn't have too much to say through-out the day (conversation...) and I wasn't (I'm not) the most sociable person (I need an Emily Post intervention). I loved coming up with "starts".

I loved interacting with people in what, for me...was the best possible way.....

For the most part, those starts were mostly cut and paste of special days or of topics I was interested in. It was an easy way to share my feelings...my thoughts and fears....where my mind was.
Several times, I wrote my own thoughts and it gave me confidence to continue to do so. I realized I loved writing, and loved sharing my thoughts. I'm just not very good at the give and take, the ebb and flow of normal conversation. I accept that.

And life goes on, circumstances change and people come and go out of our lives.

Still, I feel the need to write.
I have found that reading and writing are both outlets for me.
Reading - it keeps me busy and my mind off the stress of everyday life.
Writing? - I don't know - I love to write, to ramble.  I realize that I have a much easier time "talking" when it is in an email or a text or just on paper.
When the phone rings? I ask myself. Can't they just send me an email or text? I would be so much happier if I could always communicate like this.

This used to be me -

Now? now I can't hold it in. As long as it is the written word :)
I don't have anything important to say. It's not that.
I just want to talk about the latest book I read or what a crappy day I'm having :)


And bear with me. I'm new at this blog thing and just trying to find my way. Find what works for me. I don't know where it will go, what direction it will take.

"I don't think you get to good writing unless you expose yourself and your feelings. Deep songs don't come from the surface; they come from the deep down. The poetry and the songs that you are suppose to write, I believe are in your heart."  Judy Collins