Friday 1/29/16

"You can't stop the waves but you can learn how to surf."

~ Jon Kabat Zinn

Sunday...

Not a Journal

I missed day 5, for the gratitude challenge.
Oh well.

Someone mentioned they thought this was a online journal or something.
It's not.
Just someplace to share my thoughts.
Even though I mostly feel like I talk to myself here.
I still think it helps.
To relieve some stress.
I generally hold it all inside of me.
The last few years, it's been making its way out.
I don't know, maybe it's hormones :)
But I've changed. 
I used to feel emotionless.
Now I can't stop the emotions and wonder at people who feel no emotion.


A silent, still water.
A single raindrop hits the surface.
You see the ripple.
So quiet.
What can be so beautiful?
The sound as the drop hits.
The ripple as it grows....
Expanding outward.
Covering the surface.
And another drop.
Peaceful.
Quiet.
Mesmerizing.
I close my eyes.
And fall into the abyss.

Day 4 Gratitude Challenge

Today, I'm grateful to be with family today for a "girls only" :)  reunion.

Day 3 Gratitude Challenge

Today I'm grateful -

That I still have a job

Having good books to read and friends who are willing to talk about them with me.
Also, I'm grateful it's Friday :)

Day 2 Gratitude Challenge

today is going to be tough. As expected, not a lot of sleep last night.

I'm grateful to be sitting here this morning, with a cup of coffee in my hand and a roof over my head.

Maybe more later today....

Day 1 Gratitude Challenge

 Today I'm grateful for -

The friends I have, especially those who no matter what, give me a hug when needed :)
My health, such that it is, I need to stand on my own 2 feet and keep going.
My family, who has pulled together with one crisis after another these past few months. I would not have been able to hold it together without them, and grateful for them, for what is coming. I know I will need people that care by my side.
Amy. For not leaving my side when she could have. For forgiving me for things I've done wrong. For loving me no matter what.

Gratitude

"Expressing GRATITUDE gives each of us an opportunity to CHOOSE positive thinking & reflecting (thankful, grateful, appreciative) over negative thinking & reflecting (whining, complaining, nagging) because at any giving point-in-time we will do one or the other. We will either express a negative emotion/reaction or a positive emotion/reaction. Both cannot happen during the same moment so again, we must CHOOSE wisely." ~ Mario Wiggins 

BENEFITS OF BEING GRATEFUL & EXPRESSING GRATITUDE

* GRATITUDE leads to positive thinking and positive solutions.  

* GRATITUDE is a great precursor to happiness, problem solving, and stress management.
* GRATITUDE gives us an opportunity to appreciate the big things as well as the small things in our lives.
* GRATITUDE is a solution to whining, complaining and nagging.
* GRATITUDE is always the best choice - at least for me. Is it a good choice for you? 

A 5 day gratitude challenge.

Who's in?

STARTING TOMORROW (thanks to M. Wiggins)

I need some encouragement.

Strength

It's a new day.
Standing on my own 2 feet :)

Always look for something positive in every day.
Yesterday. Yesterday I was reminded you don't always get back what you give to others.
But it is ok.
We all do the best we can in this world and not everyone can be as caring and compassionate to others... It just is.

I'm still dealing with some difficult times. 
But, today I learned that my aunt can stay in the nursing home were she went for short term rehab for long term now and we don't have to apply for other nursing homes.
She can stay where she is for the little time she has left.
We received some very bad news about her last week when she went in to the hospital.
So, she can stay, she isn't happy, but she wouldn't be happy no matter what. I walked into her room today and she started screaming at me and threw a spoon at me.
I try not to rake it personal :)
When she was in the hospital she screamed at me and told me she hated me. It's very hard. I know many of you have been thru this.

So again, I take the good with the bad.
Now we have to get her apartment emptied out in the next few weeks.
And I dread having to tell her she is never going home.

Remind myself, we were lucky to find out she could stay where she is today. I may have to keep repeating that good news.

The other thing, it seems Amy can't catch a break and has some new health problems to deal with.
She has surgery scheduled now in the next 2 weeks and the hope is she won't need more.

But scary words, the C words, the R word.... They are there. 
We are hoping for the best.

If anyone can spare good thoughts, prayers, energy, whatever works for you. I'll take anything you have because, though I say I'll stand on my own 2 feet, I don't think I'm strong enough. I don't thing I can do it alone.
I'm a million pieces inside, barely holding it together.....

Please. Be there for those in your life you care about.

The people you think are the strongest?
They cry in the shower.

At least I do.

I do know one thing.
I need to pull myself out of this hole and start talking to people 
again.
I'm hoping and giving this another shot.
This is the place I can talk.
I'm going to try.

It's a new day.