Strength

It's a new day.
Standing on my own 2 feet :)

Always look for something positive in every day.
Yesterday. Yesterday I was reminded you don't always get back what you give to others.
But it is ok.
We all do the best we can in this world and not everyone can be as caring and compassionate to others... It just is.

I'm still dealing with some difficult times. 
But, today I learned that my aunt can stay in the nursing home were she went for short term rehab for long term now and we don't have to apply for other nursing homes.
She can stay where she is for the little time she has left.
We received some very bad news about her last week when she went in to the hospital.
So, she can stay, she isn't happy, but she wouldn't be happy no matter what. I walked into her room today and she started screaming at me and threw a spoon at me.
I try not to rake it personal :)
When she was in the hospital she screamed at me and told me she hated me. It's very hard. I know many of you have been thru this.

So again, I take the good with the bad.
Now we have to get her apartment emptied out in the next few weeks.
And I dread having to tell her she is never going home.

Remind myself, we were lucky to find out she could stay where she is today. I may have to keep repeating that good news.

The other thing, it seems Amy can't catch a break and has some new health problems to deal with.
She has surgery scheduled now in the next 2 weeks and the hope is she won't need more.

But scary words, the C words, the R word.... They are there. 
We are hoping for the best.

If anyone can spare good thoughts, prayers, energy, whatever works for you. I'll take anything you have because, though I say I'll stand on my own 2 feet, I don't think I'm strong enough. I don't thing I can do it alone.
I'm a million pieces inside, barely holding it together.....

Please. Be there for those in your life you care about.

The people you think are the strongest?
They cry in the shower.

At least I do.

I do know one thing.
I need to pull myself out of this hole and start talking to people 
again.
I'm hoping and giving this another shot.
This is the place I can talk.
I'm going to try.

It's a new day.